kellymeerbott.com

During my short time on this earth (36 years), I’ve had the privilege of working with great leaders and I’ve also had the good fortune of working for terrible bosses.  (Wait? Did she just say good fortune?!) Yep, I also made the distinction between bosses that were leaders and bosses that were just b-o-s-s-e-s.  It was good fortune because I’ve learned about how NOT to do things.

It’s amazing what you can learn when you listen and observe.  This is a skill I honed at a very young age.  During the first four years of my life, I was in the company of industry giants like:   Lew Rudin, Bill Flaherty & Robert Lurie to name a few.  Then later on as my career progressed, I’ve had the opportunity to pick the brains of extraordinary executives like: Roberto Van Geenan, Lee Cockerell, Bob Wright & many MANY more.  What I learned from all of them will carry me for a lifetime.  One of the most valuable lessons I learned was no matter what, it’s how you show up as a person (what your beliefs are) that effects your organization.  Who you inherently are will determine the success or failure, profit or loss, boom or bust of your company.

So I ask what kind of boss are you? (notice the omission of the word “leader.” I’ll get to that in a second)

Are you the militant boss who sees business as a war?  And your competitors as the enemy? Your employees work for you out of fear and obligation vs. collaboration and creation? As a result of the culture of fear, that has been created your employees and managers alike become paralyzed and unable to make risky decisions.

Are you the know-it-all boss who’s ego is so big that no one can offer any ideas because they already know the outcome? You can tell everyone how the world works, what corporate is thinking, how it will backfire if you try this or that, and why you can’t change the product one iota. Sometimes you get your swagger from a few positive experiences. But usually you’re just a victim of your own bad personality

Are you the Emotionally Disconnected Boss  who’s more more comfortable behind closed doors than mucking it out with the team? Of course you attend meetings and other requisite functions, but you’re not present & you’d rather be staring at your computer. If possible, all the “touchy-feely” people stuff would be delegated to HR managers on another floor.

Or are you just a jerk?  A plain, nasty, bullying, insensitive, or all three. A reader of mine wrote to me recently: “My boss is abusive, by which I mean disrespectful, finger-pointing, and sometimes even paranoid.” Such leaders are usually protected from above because they deliver the numbers. But with their destructive personalities, they rarely win their people’s trust.

It brings me to this:  why are some people LEADERS and others are just bosses? According to Simon Sinek, it’s something that we are born with, something we believe in, a purpose and what we are motivated by.  I agree, I believe you are born with inherent leadership skills.  Not everyone has them.  Management skills are things that can be taught.  Leaders are inspiring and surround themselves with people who inspire them.

In fact, when I work with Senior Level Managers to build their teams one of the things I teach is:  Hire for character NOT for skill.  Why?  Because skill can be taught.  It’s a difficult concept for them to get their brains around BUT it always works. I love the quote in the video above: “People don’t buy what you do they buy WHY you do it.”  That’s why transparency in organizations is so important.

So if you notice that your sales numbers are down and people are jumping ship left & right, the problem is most likely NOT with them it’s with YOU.  Take the time to honestly assess and ask yourself:  am I a Leader or just another HORRIBLE Boss.  If the answer is the latter, then maybe it’s time to have an uncomfortable conversation with yourself.

I love feedback.  Have some thoughts on this post?  Email me at:  kelly@youloudandclear.com & let ‘er rip!

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.   -C.G. Jung

Back in March, I addressed this issue in my newsletter  (see:  Be Your Word).  It’s such an important topic that it’s worth repeating the message.  Before I began to look into myself and work internally, I would OVER promise, OVER commit and tell people what they wanted to hear. It was a symptom of the disease to please that was orchestrated by my ego not my inner wisdom.  I desperately wanted people to like me because if they did then maybe just maybe they’d buy what I had to sell.  The problem with that is the people-pleasing sickness was never cured, it only got worse.  It left me feeling empty, frustrated and the promises I made often went unfulfilled.

Today, when I’m coaching it’s easy for me to recognize when an executive is doing it (because I did it too).  It’s so rampant in our society people believe it’s okay not to keep their word…everyone does it…etc…etc. (insert whatever B.S. excuse here) Here’s what it comes down to:  if you don’t do what you say you’ll do then you’re a liar and you lack commitment.  Yep!  That’s what I said: you’re a liar and you lack commitment.  (Hurts to hear that doesn’t it?)

Now, things come up, I understand that life sometimes gets in the way and I will excuse your lies IF your hair is on fire or if you’re bleeding to death in the street.  Other than that if you make a commitment to do something DO IT.  If you find that you truly cannot keep the commitment you made then go back to the person who you made the promise to, have a conversation and renegotiate your commitment.

You see, one of the most impressive qualities you can cultivate as a leader is the ability to do what you say you will do. Think about how simple it is to attain that quality? Commit to do only those things you intend to do. If you have no intention of doing something, then shut-up about it.  When I coach my clients around this issue, their initial response is always:  well that’s easier said than done.  It really isn’t that difficult if you use this one powerful technique: (I learned it from my coach Charrise McCrorey & Rich Litvin) if an opportunity presents itself and your immediate response isn’t: HELL YES!  Then it’s a N-O and don’t do it.  Works every time and keeps me in integrity with my core values.

Now, four years later, I’ve developed a valuable reputation for dependability. As an effective leader you must have the courage to speak the truth, even if that truth is sometimes unpleasant, uncomfortable or painful. Speak the truth, follow through on what you say and you’ll be amazingly effective in getting things done.

Reader responses to Disconnect to RE-Connect:

I agree 100%! Technology is certainly driving us all apart.

I had not got on the technology bandwagon until this year, I really didn’t feel the need to be ‘plugged’ in all the time. Yet my friends kept telling me that we could connect more if I were on facebook, or if I did this or that (technically speaking) and so I did all those things and now I barely hear from them.

People don’t want to use the phone, they rarely text you back and when they do, things are so miss-communicated!

I love this article, I hope everyone reads it-it’s so true and timely. thanks for sharing!

-Kay S., Manchester, CT

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I hear ya!

We recently went on a cruise with our teenagers and another family with 2 teens. My kids, normally glued to their devices, did not care that we did not buy the wifi package. Their only need for the phones was to take photos. The day before we left, my son turned to me and said, “Mom seriously you need to take a break, you need to just not bring your blackberry.” I explained that since we were meeting people in Miami, we needed it on the mainland. He then dared me to put away for the trip and said I could not do it!

Our friends bought the wifi package – but my husband and I put the ipad and the blackberries in the safe for the duration. The computers were left in backpacks. I did it! And it was liberating – 7 days of not carting it around and incessantly checking for messages etc. I had everyone I wanted to talk to right there with me.

And the 400 plus emails when I returned were disposed of within a day.

Now there are parts of each day where I leave my BB in other rooms and I do not connect to the internet on my computer. I go outside or to the gym to read and leave my phone in my purse.

Thanks for a great article!

Cheers,
-Mary J., CEO www.traklight.com

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Funny to get this email this morning, as I am just logging back in after a two-day unplanned hiatus from actual electronic communication. Not that I didn’t keep a little eye on my work inbox to make sure no fires existed, but I didn’t check my personal emails, and I didn’t respond to any emails.. I’m a bit behind this morning, but it’s amazing how people function when given the chance, much of the work stuff was opinion and input questions, not an absolute need for my involvement.

I find that I get into what I call “consumptive” mode – I’m consuming too much, starts with electronics, and being hooked to a phone, tablet, or laptop…then I am hitting the drive throughs more frequently, rushing through grocery stores and ending up w/ instant foods instead of fresh food requiring cooking time, etc, etc. It’s a vicious cycle that ends up making everyone in the family cranky (kids apparently only like instant oatmeal so many days in a row, who knew? , and the past couple of days of sloooowing down have been great.

Thought I’d take a sec to respond, since your point was to timely. :)

-Danielle C.
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I loved your email this week, there is something to be said about doing that.  It is amazing how co-dependent we become on technology!  Anyways, just wanted to share with you that I loved reading it .

-Jennifer H.

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Kelly, I was just practicing my old hippie ‘be here now’ mantra with my parents on a boat. Did bring iPad and phone, but costs kept my phone off and the iPad only worked when we were in places with wifi…so I detoxes and bonded with my parents and a us ntl park….but once I could get Facebook, I had to, before doing most anything else!

-Anne S., Boston, MA
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Your words each week make me smile, or at least grin, or sometimes tear up some, but I always look forward to reading them.  This latest one reminded me why I try to be “in the present” with whomever I am with at the time.  I tend not to answer the phone at home when I have company, for this very reason.  My mother looked at me strangely one time when I just let the phone ring – I didn’t even go see who it might be – and asked if I was going to get that.  When I told her that there was no one I would rather be talking to than her, she was all smiles.  It was the truth.  She has since said that I have helped her not feel that urgency to get the phone no matter what.  There’s something about a ringing phone that says “pick me up!” that is hard to ignore – but you can totally learn to ignore it.

-Kimberly A., Hampton, VA
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Love this email!  I literally had this conversation yesterday with a couple of owners of tech start ups and they looked at me like I was crazy.  All of this technology is great and we are in a position where we have to embrace it but aren’t we losing touch with what is really important in life which is spending Quality Time with your friends and loved ones?  I wonder what the world will be like in 10 years from now as this type of technology only becomes more advanced.  Great email!

 -Laura L., Fairfax, VA

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. -Albert Einstein

Last week, I was sitting with my husband watching tv when I turned to play Words With Friends on my iPad, put that down checked my email on my Macbook Air & then picked up my blackberry to text something. He looked at me with humor and disbelief then lovingly said:  Seriously Kel?! What’s with all the gadgets? Can’t you just be here with me?

Brian was absolutely right. What was I thinking? Here I was sitting next to the man that had been deployed for the last 18 of 24 months and my focus was on the followers, fans, friends, etc. that I had cultivated online, NOT on spending quality time with him. Kind of backwards isn’t it?

This situation brought to light an issue that I have been pondering for quite some time. It begs the question: Is the technology that was designed to connect us actually driving us further apart? And even though we’re connected there’s no true human connection?

Recently, I’d noticed more stress creeping back in with the relentless deluge of technology and information barraging me. I needed a rest. A reboot and a way to detox my system from technology. My whole system felt out of balance and I was craving re-connection with my family, my friends, the community and myself.

As per usual, my ego was shouting out loud, lying to me and saying: You’re the only one with this problem. There’s got to be something really wrong with you!

I know that’s not true. Because here’s what I found:

1. Connected the Film an autobiography from Director Tiffany Shlain who explores her love/hate relationship with technology.

2. There’s the National Day of Unplugging — DID YOU KNOW about this?! How fantastic? I want to work up to once a week.

3. Take 20 minutes to watch Sherry Turkle at the Ted Talks she sums it all up:

5 Tips to Re-Connect that are guaranteed to improve all your relationships:

1. Don’t send an email, pick up the phone:  that reactionary email will spin into an enormous email thread taking up hours of work time to resolve. Instead pick up the phone or walk down the hall to talk face-to-face it will most likely solve the issue in less than five minutes and eliminate the back and forth email dance.
2. Do not bring your smartphone into meetings: It sends the message to the rest of your team that what they’re discussing at the meeting is not that important. If there is an emergency, (your spouse, loved-one, child, domestic partner, etc.) has the office line I’m sure they will track you down.
3. Texting is not a substitute for a real conversation: Use it for logistics for instance, if you’re running late for something a text to say:  I’m looking for a parking spot  is acceptable but is not appropriate to discuss this quarter’s sales numbers.
4. Email does not need to be checked 24/7. Be Present: when you’re at dinner with your family, be at DINNER with your family; when you’re at your child’s recital silence the iPhone and listen to them sing:  Catch a Falling Star. You get my drift.
5. And finally in the words of The National Day of Unplugging:  Shut down your computer. Turn off your cell phone. Stop the constant emailing, texting, Tweeting and Facebooking to take time to notice the world around you. Connect with loved ones. Nurture your health. Get outside. Find silence. Avoid commerce. Give back. Eat Together.

Email me with your thoughts and experiences on this subject. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Namaste.

Loving You on YOUR journey,

 

Kelly A. Meerbott
You: Loud & Clear, Inc.
kelly@youloudandclear.com

You know the feeling:

Sharing a dream with a co-worker who gives you the tight-lipped smile and condescending back pat.

Wanting to shout your accomplishments from the rooftops, but hiding your light under a bushel instead. Nobody likes a bragger.

Bursting with amazing, pulse-quickening ideas, but keeping them bottled up. You don’t know who to tell or where to start.

You don’t need to feel like that.

You could feel inspired. Supported. Loved for who you are right now.

You’ll feel all that (and hopefully more) with Solidarity in Sisterhood; a monthly meeting of the minds devoted to celebrating you. You + me + 5 clever, kind, totally committed and hand-selected women, coming together once a month. We will lock arms to support you. We will get clear on what we want in our lives and scrap the rest.

Who is this group for?

You, who’s aching to create something but needs a kick in the pants
You, who’s willing to invest in yourself
You, who does your best work when you’re held accountable
You, who wants to meet other women who are as amazing as you are
You, who needs a team that will love you, support you and hold your feet to the fire when need be
You, who’s unsatisfied with one area of your life – and ready to actually do something about it
You, who has faith in yourself

Is that you? I thought so. I can’t wait to work with you!

Here are the details:
* April 23rd – September 30th
* 1 life-changing 2-hour group meeting each month, for six months (6 total meetings.) In real life! Not over the phone!
* Limited to 6 crazy-awesome, hand-picked women in the Hampton Roads Area
* 2 monthly group accountability calls, 15 minutes each (12 total calls)
* You will pair up with an accountability buddy of your choice to hold you accountable to your goals

If you’re ready to make your dreams happen and meet your new best friends, I can’t wait to hear from you. Email me at: kelly@youloudandclear.com.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.
-Bill Cosby  

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I wanted to let you know about a FREE Event I am hosting for Constant Contact next week.  Even though, we are not charging for this event space is limited and registration is required.  Click here for details & to register.
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On February 29, 2012, a beautiful email from Kate Swoboda landed in my inbox, titled:  Don’t Forget to ask whether the Stories are even true.  It was a luscious visual re-telling of an incident that happened in Kate’s life.  The story deeply resonated for me & brought tears to my eyes (maybe because something similar happened to me recently). Kate’s newsletter became the impetus for some deep personal reflection. Specifically around the issue: why can’t I forgive myself? You see, I’m much better at forgiving others than I am at forgiving myself.  I tend to chew on mistakes I’ve made like a dog with a bone until the flavor is completely out of it (this is part of the burden we recovering perfectionist tend to carry).

In my heart, I know:  Forgiveness is the mental, emotional and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution…BLAH! BLAH! BUT what if the person you need to forgive person is YOU?  How do you let go?  How do you get the negative tapes in your head to stop playing?

I decided to take action and brought it up to my coach, Charrise McCrorey who introduced an exercise to me called 70 in 7 days.  The practice has brought forth extraordinary shifts & results.

What you do is take out a piece of paper, right before you go to bed at night (so it gets into your subconscious) and write the following sentence seventy times a day for seven days in a row. Filling in the first blank with your name, and then fill in the second blank with the name of the person, place, or thing you’d like to forgive:

I, __________, forgive ___________ for everything.  

(I’ve had my clients adjust the exercise so it works for them however, the above is the way, I’ve chosen to do it.)
Currently, I’m on day 4 and I keep writing over and over again:

I forgive myself for everything. Some powerful truths have been coming out of this exercise for me.

Here’s what “70 in 7 days” has taught me so far:
1. Non-forgiveness means I remain in the struggle (YUCK!  Who wants that?!).
2. You can not live in the present and create a new, exciting future for yourself if you remain stuck in the past.
3. When we forgive we are willing to give up resentment, anger & obsession.
4. The act of forgiving restores our faith in ourselves and by extension in life itself.
5. It takes no strength to forgive ONLY courage.
6. Your life either expands or contracts in direct proportion to your courage to forgive.
7. Forgiveness is the single most important process to bring peace to our soul & harmony to our lives.
8.  Forgiveness ends the illusion (that our egos project) of separation.
9. Forgiveness is a mental bath washing away something that can only poison us from within.
10. We are all worthy of forgiveness.

Bottom line, forgiveness is a powerful gift that we can give to ourselves because when it comes to forgiving it’s never about anyone else but YOU.

Namaste.

Loving You on YOUR journey,

Kelly A. Meerbott
You: Loud & Clear, Inc.
kelly@youloudandclear.com
757.262.8329

Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. -Menachem Mendel Schneerson

Today is my birthday and I wanted to do something really special that would give me the warm and fuzzies. I love, Love, LOVE giving people gifts and I’m in love with my chosen path because it allows me to serve humanity. One of the biggest thrills I get from my job is: guiding people towards recognizing their own inner divinity and capabilities. I’m not here to push. I’m here to gently guide with love, kindness and spirit. Other coaches may feel proud in their ability to “push people to new heights” but that’s just NOT me. I am here to HELP others find the way themselves.

I was having a challenging time figuring out what to do to. I knew I had to disconnect to re-connect to my spirit. In order to hear myself I need to get quiet, still and meditate. So, I went to one of my favorite places and spent some time in quiet introspection while looking at the ocean. After a good half hour my sweet soft voice of inner wisdom whispered: “Gift them your time.”

Five-year-old me.

And that’s how the You: Loud + Clear Pay What You Can Day was born!

Here’s How Pay What You Can Day Works:  you pay what you truly can. That’s it.

• This offer applies to one (1) one (1) hour phone coaching session. (This could be a colossal financial failure however, it worked for Danielle LaPorte, Radiohead, Panera Bread & Soul Kitchen among others… )

• Send me an email and tell me what price would make your soul feel: loud, clear, sparkly, golden & happy.
• Then I’ll send you a PayPal invoice. If that doesn’t work for you and you’d like to send me a post dated check for one dollar every month for twenty months we’ll make it happen.
• Once you pay, I’ll reach out to you and we’ll schedule your phone session.
• Then we’ll have a deeply authentic conversation where you get REALLY clear on what you want in your life.
• Finally, you kick mediocrity to the curb and ROCK THE WORLD.

Here’s How Coaching Works:
Many people don’t know what to expect in a coaching session. To give you an idea watch this short video:

Disclaimers:
• My hour long coaching sessions retail for $750. A number of people have expressed that they think it’s under-priced for the value. Very flattering but my work is really NOT about me.
• If you’ve already experienced a coaching session with me and would like to pay it forward by gifting it to someone at a pay-what-you-can rate, let me know who the lucky recipient is.
• This offer is not retroactive.
• I reserve the right to say: UH-UH NO WAY to ridiculous offers.
• If you feel inclined to pay the full price after you experience a session, feel free.
• If you’re independently wealthy and want to pay more than $750 for the coaching session, then that’s you putting some good juju out into the world. Great karma for you too!
• I will take multiple payments over time (this works on the honor system. If you want to pay, say $30 in three installments, just let me know what your plan is. Clear communication is Key!)
• For those of you who are not comfortable with PayPal or credit cards, you can mail a money order or a check to:
Kelly A. Meerbott
1049 Towanda Road
Virginia Beach, VA 23464
• Repeat: this offer expires at 11:59 P.M. EST on April 2, 2012 just like my birthday does. And I’m serious about it. If you’re out of town, if you missed this email in your inbox…then the opportunity will have expired. I like things, especially money things, simple (selfless and generous.) So I’m extremely unlikely to do any other marketing stunts like this.
• So close your eyes, make a wish & send an email to: kelly@youloudandclear.com with your offer.

 (disclaimers were adapted from Danielle LaPorte’s Pay What You Can Day)

Namaste.

Loving you on your journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott
kelly@youloudandclear.com

When I chased after money, I never had enough. When I got my life on purpose and focused on giving of myself and everything that arrived into my life, then I was prosperous.
-Wayne Dyer
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As you know, I leverage my real life experiences to serve my clients, prospects & readers.  Well, for some reason the subject of money and people’s relationship to money keeps popping up.  So guess what this week’s post is about?  You guessed it! MONEY! (Cue The Beatles)
Here’s a list of five things that I’ve learned about my relationship to money that may help shift things for you:

1) According to Steve Chandler,  ”Needy is Creepy & that’s why stalking is a crime.”
One mistake that I see business owners making consistently is that they think they NEED every client. It’s like creepy Mike in the video calling Nicki over and over again.  It feels icky.  People can smell that desperation on you and will run the other way (Another lesson I learned the hard way).  If you shift your focus on giving to rather than getting from and focus on the ideal type of client you want to serve and assist they will begin to appear in your life and business. In fact, there is a part of the brain that actually searches for opportunities for you called the Reticular Activating System.

2) If you want more money give money away.
Sounds counter intuitive doesn’t it?  Well, it isn’t. Money is abundant and it’s important to keep it circulating.  I’ve learned that by donating 5% of my overall income every month not only does a lot of good for the organization I’m helping it makes me feel good.

3) Money is a tool to trade value for value.
One of the things I’ve noticed lately is that people are holding onto their money for dear life. Like a squirrel with a nut they’re so afraid they’re going to run out of food for the winter. If you put so much importance on money instead of looking at it as a commodity that can be made, of course it will seem like it’s scarce and you’ll FREAK out when it disappears.

You want more money?  Great! First, figure out the why? Ask yourself:  why do you I want more?  If it’s just to have more then that’s not a good reason.  If the answer is for something tangible then figure out a way to create it.  Then, commit to the creation process and see what happens…most likely more money will come your way (I’m living proof of this one).

4) Nothing commits people like money. 
I was recently giving coaching demo session to a partner at a large law firm who was rendered speechless when I quoted my fee. After a long moment of silence, I said:  Does my fee scare you?  He said, “Yes, because I know if I pay you that amount, I’d better take this work seriously.”  He was exactly right!

-AND- the final point…

5) Financial security doesn’t come from the amount of money you currently have; it comes from your ability to get more of it whenever you want -Michael Neill, Supercoach

Oh, by the way…on Monday, April 2 (my birthday) I’ll have a gift for YOU.

Namaste.

Loving You on YOUR journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott
kelly@youloudandclear.com

Thanks to my friends at: Aspire, Motivate, Succeed for posting this.

And this is what Beyonce Knowles said that inspired me: (read each line, and feel the words as they go through your head…it is liberating!)

“Knowing who you are is the greatest wisdom a human being can possess. Know your goals, what you love, your morals, your needs, your standards, what you will not tolerate and what you are willing to die for. It defines who you are. I have learned not to obsess over being number one all the times. Sometimes not being number one gives you the incentive and the courage to fight harder; it is motivating. Have patience. Have grace. Be secure enough in yourself to base success on personal growth.

Take at least twenty minutes every day to be still and quiet. Time to sit in complete silence. Think. Reflect. Dissect your thoughts and feelings. Relive any mistakes from the day before. Decide how to be smarter and tougher, how to be more committed and considerate of others and more sensitive and aware of your surroundings. Choose something you learned that will make you a better person.

Choose to be happy and positive. Live like the blessed human you are.  Define you.  Knowing who you are allows you to create your own beautiful legacy.”

- from Katie Couric’s Lessons from Extraordinary Lives

You may be surprised to learn that I don’t plan what I’m going to write about from week-to-week.  Inspiration just happens to strike every Monday evening and this week was no exception.  Well, instead of striking the Muse, actually hit me in the head with a brick.  :-)

For the majority my life I haven’t felt like enough.  I’ve told myself:  I’m not thin ENOUGH, fit ENOUGH, smart ENOUGH, (insert your adjective of choice here) ENOUGH. Lately, I’ve felt like I “should” go back to get my MBA (at an Ivy League Institution) and once I get that, then I’ll be educated “ENOUGH.”  I knew logically that these were ALL lies I was telling myself but I never REALLY got it until today getting out of the shower.

When I thought about this scene that I’ve seen NUMEROUS times from Good Will Hunting.  It just clicked.  Paired with a quote I read on Stephen McGhee’s website: “Many leadership consulting firms are based in theory as opposed to experience.  Theory may be great but it does not create wisdom.”  To that I say:  Thank you! You just saved me time & lots of money!  But it also cause me to pause and wonder about the value of the head vs. the heart.

Recently one of my colleagues  taught me about Heart Math.  It’s amazing how much our hearts effect our intuition, brain functions, stress and much more. In fact,HeartMath is teaching thousands of personnel in the U.S. Armed Forces how to use its science-based tools and technology to self-regulate their emotions and build energy and resilience, whether they are awaiting deployment or are in theater. Click here to read the article.   This research is making a HUGE difference in the lives of veterans who suffer from PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder].  It is truly INCREDIBLE research!

While education and theory have their place and are valuable, I find that we’re often hiding behind statistics, spouting off at the mouth about industry standards and wringing our hands about why our company is not profitable because we’re doing everything the text book says we should.  The answer is simple really:  the classes and textbooks don’t factor in one MAJOR component: THE HUMAN element.  Yep, that unpredictable, erratic, fallible being called,  MAN/WOMAN.

There’s something to be said about experiential learning, which is what I’ve had.  I sat down & calculated how much coaching I’ve done in the past year and the total came out to: 929 hrs of actual belly-to-belly transformative conversations that taught me more than reading a text book & sitting in a classroom.  And to me: THAT’s ENOUGH!  :-)

Namaste.

Loving you on your journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott
kelly@youloudandclear.com

I was honored to be interviewed by Stephan Wiedner, CCO and Co-Founder Noomii.com – the professional coach directory

You can listen to the interview by clicking here:
http://www.noomii.com/users/5922/interview_widget

Enjoy!

For Melissa:

WOW! What a week! I spent the majority of my time with my coach & my success team outside of Chicago. The success team consists of six women and one fabulous man (you know who you are) that I’ve spent the last year learning, stretching & growing with.  They are change agents and visionaries who inspire me with what they’re up to in the world. Sounds fun right?! Wrong! So wrong!

Before I go into what happened last week let me take you back few weeks ago, when I met with a prospect in Richmond who was referred to me by a colleague.  I was told that this CEO loved the sales aspect of his company but was weary of the coaching part.  I’m always up for a conversation so  I sat down with this “expert” prepared to figure out how I could help him.  What transpired in the next hour was a complete annihilation of me, my confidence and my chosen career path among many other things.  To say that I was shaken to my core would be the understatement of the century.   Luckily, I was able to maintain my composure (Five years ago, I could not say the same thing.  He would have reduced me to a blubbering puddle and I would have been in the fetal position for at least a week) and carry on with a meeting that I had with the Director of Training for a State Agency here in Virginia.  It wasn’t until I was driving back home that I got angry.  Really angry and I called my coach to bitch about this complete @#%$&.

Some of you might be thinking:  why do you care what this guy said?  In retrospect, I don’t give a damn about him or what he thinks of me.  I have the wisdom to know that people like that CEO do not have a place in my life. [In case you were wondering, I turned down his offer to partner with his company].   However, I am grateful to him for being the catalyst for true internal reflection in my life.  That conversation was the impetuous for me to turn inward and investigate some things that I was trying to force.  I was trying to be people other than myself.  To do things that didn’t feel right for me.  I was comparing myself to other coaches in the industry &  beating myself up for not having a million dollar practice [In the spirit of being truly authentic.  I'm not even close to that.  In fact, since December I've released three clients. So business could be better.  And as Wayne Dyer says:  "Trust & Allow."].  In short, I was not being ME!  That is where my work is focused right now.

So back to last week, with my success team and my coach I was broken open.  They ripped away my false identity, shattered everything I thought I knew as true.  and killed the persona that I wore to protect myself.   Full of love, honesty and selflessness they pointed out that I am enough as I am and they showed me that the mask that I wore wasn’t protection it was suffocating the true me.  [I was so afraid to be vulnerable & authentic because I thought people would reject the REAL me].   Let me tell you that this was an extremely painful session.  I was in tears.  I wanted to throw up.  Give up, curse a blue streak, flip them all off and storm out (sounds dramatic doesn’t it?!) but I stayed.  And you know what happened?  I survived and I’m so much better because of it.  That’s one of the major reasons I love my success team is the hold me accountable to my greatest self.

The Success Team:

• Charrise McCrorey
• Megan McCrorey
• Melissa Flagler
• Krystal Levi
• Val St. Germain
• Linda Wilson
• Richard Blakeborough

Now comes the fun part:  I get to decide what I want to create in my life and I’ve finally figured out what I stand for but you’ll have to tune in next week to see what that looks like.

Take some time to watch this video about the power of vulnerability.  It’s effects may AMAZE you.

Namaste.

I want to start off this post by saying thank you to those of you who have shared your stories of how my writing has resonated with you or touched your life.  I send you my care–and my gratitude for taking the time to write.  You are the reason I share the intimate details of my life and my mistakes.  If my life can be of service to you then that’s all that matters.

During the last couple of weeks I’ve been struggling with an internal battle that has been going on inside me for the past 35 years.  I’ve been trying to figure out who I am authentically.  My coach would often say:  Just be you. The response in my head was often:  I don’t know who that is. 

I’m not the kind of person that plays the victim & blames everything on her parents (I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I truly believe they did the best they could with what they had at the time).  I do try to look at situations and understand how it effects who I am being in the world.  It’s my commitment to Kaizen that drives me to grow and change for the better.  Because I never ask my clients to do something I wouldn’t do I had to dig down deep within myself to find the answers.

Here’s what I came up with to help you on your journey towards deeper authenticity:

1) Pay Attention - Be aware of who you are being in the world. Remain present in the moment. Disconnect to re-connect with yourself.  Don’t get sucked into society’s many distractions.  They end up drowning out that little voice of truth.

2) Learn about you -  There are so many great tools out there to learn about who you are naturally.  My favorite is the DISC assessment (Google “assessments” or “personality profiles” and see what works for you).  DISC is a quadrant behavioral model based on the work of Dr. William Moulton Marston.  It is an acronym that stands for:

• Dominance – relating to control, power and assertiveness
• Influence – relating to social situations and communication
• Steadiness (submission in Marston’s time) – relating to patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness
• C(or caution, compliance in Marston’s time) – relating to structure and organization

3) Appreciate Your Strengths - This is a VERY difficult one for me.  What I’ve found helps me acknowledge my strengths is writing down things I’m good at with no judgments or stories.  I sit quietly and write them down in my journal reminding myself that this is for NO one else but me.

4) Be gentle with yourself regarding your weaknesses - If you want to let the good stuff in, stop beating yourself up.  It’s not an effective way to motivate change and it will just leave you feeling like shit.  Especially the internal dialogue we have about our bodies.

5) Self Acceptance - Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. says: ”When we’re self-accepting, we’re able to embrace all facets of ourselves–not just the positive, more “esteem-able” parts. We can recognize our weaknesses, limitations, and foibles, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves.”  One of the many things I’ve come to accept about myself is that I am completely accident prone (mostly when I’m not present in the moment). It doesn’t make me any less of a person it’s just one facet that makes me who I am.

6) Get Feedback - Danielle LaPorte has a free wonderful tool on her website that you can download by clicking here called: The Ask a Friend Survey.  I sent it recently to three people who loved me enough to be honest with me but would not annihilate me in the process.  This is about personal development NOT destroying someone so make sure you send it to someone you can trust.  It was completely eye opening & empowering.

All of these things are practices don’t worry if you don’t get them right.

Namaste.

Loving you on your journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott
kelly@youloudandclear.com

A life lived with integrity – even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shining star in whose light others may follow in the years to come.

-Denis Waitley

One of the most powerful distinctions I’ve learned through the work with my coach is to Be My Word.  What does that mean exactly?  To me it means staying in integrity with myself by doing what I say I’m going to do and if for some reason I cannot, I re-negotiate my commitment with that person. Walking this talk has kept me in alignment with my true self and has created some incredible shifts.

So what is Integrity?   According to Webster’s Dictionary online the definition of integrity is:

1) : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
2) : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3) : the quality or state of being complete or undivided: completeness

I asked my colleagues & clients what integrity meant to them.  I got a variety of answers but broken down very simply someone possessing integrity is:

• Is honest
• Stands up for what they believe in
• Knows who they are
• Is steadfast
• Willing to make tough — even unpopular — decisions
• Courageous in conflict
• Does what they say
• Considers what’s best for the group rather than what’s best for themselves
• You can count on
• Who keeps their promises
• You can really trust to do the right thing
• Walks their talk

Stephen McGhee (my coach’s coach — WOOT!  WOOT! I indirectly get his coaching) talks in this video about not letting his clients off the hook when they make a commitment regarding the The Aconcagua Man Project.    It’s extremely powerful and resonates to my core.  After a living a life out of integrity, implementing this practice in my life was uncomfortable.  Now, after three years of living in integrity I feel out of balance when I’m NOT true to my word.

For those of you wondering, The Aconcagua Man Project is a nine month program that was created for 6 unique men that are willing to push themselves to the edge of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual boundaries. The culmination of this “Kick Ass” Journey has them attempting to summit the highest mountain in the world outside of Asia…The Mighty Aconcagua.

Follow the journey at TAMP Blog:  Click Here

As an exercise, notice how many promises you make and don’t keep within your personal and professional lives.  Maybe it’s time to take a hard look?

It’s not for me to judge, just to nudge.

Namaste.

Loving you on your journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott
kelly@youloudandclear.com

Well, Kelly what’s it worth to you?  Her words hung on the phone line heavy and the thoughts came racing:  • Is this lady nuts?!  • How the $%@ does she expect me to pay for coaching when I’ve just been fired, living off unemployment and am about to declare bankruptcy?  • I wanted to take a vacation, finish the kitchen and all of this cuts into that budget right now?   • Plus, how was I going to explain to my husband that I needed an extra $3000 a month to pay for a coach? (I had already had a very bad experience with a coach and now I wanted to pay triple for another one).   That was several years ago and I can tell you right now with everything I am that it was the best investment I ever made when I chose to invest in myself.  When you want something badly enough, you’re willing to work hard, make sacrifices, and invest in it.   Most people who’ve made the commitment to transform their lives don’t have lots of money upon which to draw.  They simply made the choice to find the money they needed to make the change they always dreamed of making!   
To see if you are willing to do what it takes to do work you love, follow these steps:   1. Ask yourself… * Am I willing to invest what I have in my myself? * Am I willing to change how I currently spend money so that I can have more of it to put toward my transformation?”
Yes or no? If you answered “no” to these questions, you’re not ready to move ahead to transform your life.  Give yourself a break and focus on something else for which you feel more prepared at this point.  
If you answered “yes” to these, read on.  2. Write down all of your expenses. Track every dollar you spend so that you have a clear picture of where your money is really going each month.   3. Prioritize Look at each expense and ask yourself, “Would I rather have this or fall in love with my spouse again? Be fulfilled in my work?  Be engaged in life in a way I never was before? (Close your eyes & insert your dream here).  See what big and small sacrifices you can make. The pre-cooked meals make dinners easier, but would you rather have them or a new career? The deluxe cable TV package provides great entertainment, but is it worth more to you than a new life?   It’s ok if you choose the pre-cooked food or cable channels over your dream.  Just be honest with yourself.  Stop spending money on what you could live without, and start putting those funds toward the life you would REALLY LOVE to have!   4. Make More Money. You’ve looked everywhere. And you’ve cut back on unnecessary expenses, yet you still need more money to invest in your dream.  How can you bring in more money? Taking a part-time job, consulting, moonlighting, selling a valuable item-be creative, ask a friend, ask a family member, take out a loan! What can you do that will bring in the extra cash you need? 
Think money can’t be created for things you’d love to do? Email me and I’ll tell you the story about a two day invite only coaching intensive in London last year.  I was invited by one of my personal heroes:  Steve Chandler. Don’t want to talk to me?  
That’s okay too…watch this video:    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ4Tqawt9iw
5. Invest in your own personal development. How much you spend on your own growth reflects how serious you are about creating your dream.  Successful people know that to achieve their dreams they must be in a constant state of learning and stretching.    Today, I’m deeply in love with my life, my husband and am doing the work I was born to do. The work I’ve done with my coach has been difficult, painful and downright frustrating at times.  And because I’d never ask my clients to do something I don’t do myself, I write that big check every month sometimes pausing when my ego, who’s addiction for more never seems to be sated says,  Hey! A new Toyota Prius might be nice!  You can afford it if you don’t pay Coach Charrise…come on! You know you want to…    I slow down and realize how much value is lost when you drive that shiny new car off the lot and how much you REALLY pay if you finance it.  I remind myself that the EGO has to die AGAIN because:  You have to have an ego death in order for progress to be made. <DIE EGO! DIE!>     Once the anxiety, worry and fear subside I write the check and drop it in the mail.  Deep down inside, I honor that commitment I made several years ago: to be the greatest person I can possibly be and I know that Charrise holds me accountable to my greatest self.    Namaste.Loving you on your journey, Kelly A. Meerbott kelly@youloudandclear.com 

One of my wonderful readers pointed out to me today that I sourced a quote incorrectly.  I love when people are that engaged in my work.  I went back and checked.  He was correct.  The quote from today’s blog post:  Will YOU die with your music still in YOU?  I attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Essay on Self-Reliance.  It is actually from Oliver Wendell Holmes:  “Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out”  Thank you to Jim Newsom for pointing it out.  Namaste.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said: “Many people die with their music still in them.  Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live.  Before they know it, time runs out.”  This quote has been repeating in my head since last night.  As I re-write this blog post to you (I’ve come back to it three times), I cannot help but wonder if Whitney Houston died with her music still in her?

I remember seeing this video on MTV (back when the network still played videos) and feeling chills come over my body.  Twenty four years later, I get chills over my body for a VERY different reason.   When you watch it listen to the lyrics.

When I saw this interview on Super Bowl Sunday, I knew I had to include it in this post, if only for you to hear the quote from Steve Gleason’s own mouth, when he is asked if he’s thought to himself, how long he has to live:

“…because we all have a timeline, Peter.  Most of us don’t live like we have a timeline.”

Consider this YOUR wake-up call!  Don’t waste another moment in time.  Start living the life that YOU were born to live, email me: kelly@youloudandclear.com  and let’s set up a time to talk via phone or face-to-face.

If you walk away and your life is changed, GREAT!  If you decide to become a client, GREAT! Either way, I’ll be happy because I’ll be serving you.

Namaste.

Loving you on your journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott

The International Coach Federation (ICF) is the professional organization for coaches, with over 16,300 members in more than 100 countries. The ICF is the only organization that awards a global credential which is currently held by more than 6,700 coaches worldwide.

In a recent consumer awareness survey commissioned by the ICF, 15,000 participants age 25 and up in 20 countries were surveyed by the International Survey Unit of Price Waterhouse Coopers. According to a press release from the ICF:

The Global Consumer Awareness Study determined common areas in which people are using professional coaching today. More than two-fifths (42.6 percent) of respondents who had experienced coaching chose “optimize individual and/or team performance” as their motivation for being coached. This reason ranked highest followed by “expand professional career opportunities” at 38.8 percent and “improve business management strategies” at 36.1 percent. Other more personal motivations like “increase self-esteem/self-confidence” and “manage work/life balance” rated fourth and fifth to round out the top five motivation areas.

In previous research the ICF found that coaching is also generating a very good return on investment—a median return of seven times the initial investment for businesses—while being used for some of the same motivations mentioned in the latest study.

Companies large and small are optimizing individual and team performance through coaching. Despite the recent global economic climate, ibm.com of North America reported a 563 percent return on investment from its coaching programs that engage sales teams and managers within the company. Solaglas, a leading UK-based glass replacement and installation company, reported higher customer satisfaction and a return on investment of 490 percent. Company executives believe these gains are small compared to the long-term impact coaching will have.

Six distinguished psychologists and executives offer crucial insights on what it takes to be a great executive coach.

(l to r:) Arnold Palmer & me at the 1981 U.S. Open

It was 1981, I was six years old and my father, George F. Burns, III held a three shot lead going into the final round of the U.S. Open of Golf in Ardmore, PA.  We were staying in the condo of a family friend.  My mother sequestered the family from the rest of the world so my father’s sole focus could be on his golf game.  Most of the week was spent in light hearted fun.  My dad would come home from the golf course and we’d shut the door on the world outside.

No one knew where we were staying, except immediate family.  This was also prior to the cell phone so when a knock came at the door of the condo while we were eating dinner that Saturday night, I remember my mother and father looking at each other in astonishment (to this day, my mother does not know how we were found).

When they opened the door, standing on the threshold was my dad’s agent from IMG (International Management Group).  He came in and then proceeded to show my father a piece of paper with two columns:  Column A had a list of everything that would happen if he won & Column B had nothing in it (or the loser column).  He patted my father on the shoulder, saying: you know what to do and left the condo.  The next day my father came in second in the 1981 US Open.

Final Scores for the 1981 U.S. Open

Take a look at his scores there’s a distinct difference before the talk and after.  Coincidence? Not a chance.

Now, fast forward to last night’s game.  Tom Coughlin (for those of you who don’t know the coach of the Super Bowl XLVI Champs New York Giants), the oldest coach in the league who faced a firing after a mid-season loss to the REDSKINS 28-14.  During his final meeting with the team on the eve of Super Bowl XLVI, Coughlin told his players how much he loved them and referencing John Wooden’s famous Pyramid of Success. According to Coughlin, in his later years John Wooden said that Competitive Greatness should be replaced by “Love” at the top of the pyramid. Coughlin talked about how championships are won by teams that show immense love for one another and that he had fallen in love with his team.  We all know how Super Bowl XLVI ended up.

Okay, okay, Kelly what’s your point?  My point is when you find yourself leading your team, your family, your staff, your friends, your customers, etc. and you are all facing a tough challenge  Ask yourself:  What would LOVE do? Choose your words from that place and watch the the situation shift.  I often wonder if my father’s agent came from a place of love,if things would have turned out differently. I’ll never know.   I can only control me and I choose to come from love.

This is my love note to you.  Email me: kelly@youloudandclear.com  and let’s set up a time to talk via phone or face-to-face.  If you walk away and your life is changed, GREAT!  If you decide to become a client, GREAT! Either way, I’ll be happy because I’ll be loving and serving you.

Namaste.

Loving you on your journey,
Kelly A. Meerbott

That’s all you have 60 seconds until your life is over…what do you do?  How do you spend it?